How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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