I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
