I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
