Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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