You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
