at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize