There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
