her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize