Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
