I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
