I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
