She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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