he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
