glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
