The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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