i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
