I look better un-naked...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I need water and some morals
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
