i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
