Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
