dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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