she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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