WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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