Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
