You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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