If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize