Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
