dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm bleeding and have questions
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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