Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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