I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
