I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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