filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
