drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
