you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
