What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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