Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize