I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
