what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
