im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize