When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
