Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
