so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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