She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
