the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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