I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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