I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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