where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
