Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
