Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
