I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
