The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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