i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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