Where is the hickey?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
