he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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