she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
