So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
