Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
