Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
