I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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