I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
