The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
