I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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