This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
