Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize