if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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