Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
