Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
