Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
