I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
do herpes really smell.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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