i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
