I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
