Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
